Monday, 20 December 2010


Things have really been deteriorating lately...
Things are not O.K..!
I can't even be optimistic and say it will be O.K..!
I'm just scared..
I'm just hiding in my cocoon waiting..
I don't know even what to expect..
I hate going home thinking bad news are awaiting..
I hate calling at home chicking how things are going..
I hate the beebing part when I call and nobody answers and my own hallucinations start thinking of what kind of crisis is happening at home..
I'm scared.. No one understands that..
I'm scattered in my own world and no one even could tell because I am damn good in smiling.

My niece has been bedridden for 6 days, just got discharged yesterday and she is sick again..!
I'm terrified and you can't imagine how much I'm..
I am scared I'd lose her like I lost her bother, my dad, my 2 uncles, my 2 grandparents, and my grandmother..!
I'm sick of death stealing every dear one away with no permission at all.!
I'm mad at death for being so cruel..!
I'm pissed at death for choosing good people to departure..!
I'm angry at death for leaving the bad people behind wandering and doing whatever evil thing they might think of!!

I'm just sad...


Rummy said...

MAy Allah give you the strength to get by w may your niece get cured in shallah. She'll be in my prayers in every single prayer.

Touché said...

The heart can endure this much, may the prayers calm your heart and God grants them.

Nawaf said...

My heart is with you!

Hamid said...

Indeed strange is the visa of life, it can be cancelled at any time, its validity is unknown and its extension too is impossible.

مرتضى said...

first time visitor to your blog and I was emotionally moved by every word you wrote. It is interesting how pain united us all together!

DegeSMS said...

it is very sweet blog . same like own name.

A said...

Exactly! pain HAS united us all togather, we dont know who out there is going through what, sweety, ur story is so close to mines, of comming home and not knowing wat to expect,and the whole thing. tell me about it! its so tiring, GOD! help us all in our worries, pain, grieve an so on ameen.

Anonymous said...

Reading this very late sister. But i really do hope everything is ok with you..