Smiling again

I apologize for being away, inactive, and kind of withdrawn. I have been haunted with the idea of the possibility of losing another dear relative of mine.

I still mention my uncle's name and talk about him using the present tense. I even go to open the door for him whenever we make a BBQ since it's his favorite. Afew days ago, I was searching for a phone number in my contact list when I found his number. I didn't know what to do, was I supposed to erase it or what?!. The idea of calling him occurred to me also and was one tick away from doing it. I didn't..

I was talking to my friend today when I told her that my uncle is coming to pick me up when she gave me a startled look. I was shaking and almost collapsed in my place when I noticed what I was saying.

I was going to leave work an hour earlier because my sisters and I prepared lunch and sweets and decided to have lunch at my uncle's. My driver called saying that his cousin fell dead infront of him and that the police are investigating the incident now.

I really didn't know what to do, I can't bear death news and recently all what I hear is people dying or people sick of cancer!

Before I left work, I heard news that kind of cheered me up. Part of what I was praying for came true after long months of bloody fights and suffering, work wise ofcourse. I am not that optimistic about it though. I don't wanna build some dreams that might fall a part before me.

However, I am kind of smiling again.