Though it was hard for her to remember but she wanted to remember it! She was becoming a bride and the stories of girls not being virgins and the revenge of their grooms, the utter sadness and shame of their families, and the scandlous life she was going to lead scared her the most!! She did nothing wrong! She was just a victim and moreover a baby!! What was devastating was that she didn't remember if anything more the touching was happening! It was like her memory got frozen for certain reasons! The story of girls being killed in their wedding days because of their virginity being lost! What if people thought that she lost it on her own will because she was flirty?! What if that caused a big scandal to her family!!?
A year later, she got sick and had to visit the doctor frequently. She was havin problems with her PMS. She had to do to this check up to make sure everything is alright but she was hesitant to be exposed. That was when the doctor told her "don't worry, I am not gonna touch your virginity layer, I can see it clearly so no worries"!! She cried and cried and cried! She later understood that it wasn't a dream! It was merely beautiful reality!
She heard the news and was in utter shock! He got engaged and he was getting married!! She saw the girl and felt a strange sense pity mixed with disgust for her! He was an animal!! How can he be a father for God's sake when he himself betrays childhood and an innocent soul!! She had more than once thought of calling her and telling her all the story! She just couldn't! "That would make a scandal" she thought. It would ruin the relationship between her father and uncle which she would never agree on! If the son is an animal in the shape of a human being, the uncle has nothing to do with it!!
The wedding date was soon! She felt disgusted everytime someone mentioned his name or talked about his marriage preparations! The invitaions came and her sisters were excited to attend thier eldest cousin's fancy wedding.
She didn't wanna go. Her sisters pushed and pushed but she was still against it. Her dad asked her to go and she obeyed hesitantly. She couldn't deny an order from him at all.
She went and saw the bride all dressed up with a fancy dress full of crystals and feathers. She was just staring, not hearing, not seeing anything! All what was in her mind was he naked before her asking her to touch his penis...!
"The groom is coming to the hall", they announced!
She couldn't move her legs! She was stoned! Seeing him would be the 1st time in how many years?! 12 or 13 years! She wished the earth could swallow her and not to see him holding hands with his bride who had been blinded by him!
She saw his ugly face! He was handsome as everybody said but to her he was a monster and a very distorted image of the devil in a human form!
She did nothing! She just raised her hands and prayed! She prayed to God from the bottom of her broken heart! She asked God never to give him kids ever!!
It has been 7 years since he got married now and till now he doesn't have a single child. Though the doctors say that everything is OK!! She thanked God everytime she heard his family praying for him to have kids! No, No, No, she is not cruel or cold blooded! Her wound would never be healed! Not having kids is a bless from God! She is sure that he knows the reason behind it!!
P.S. That wasn't any thing but reality. Actually it is my real story and the childhood I lived I guess. Surprisingly enough, A and I became close friends not knowing that both of our childhoods were betrayed by our so called relatives. A's victimizer whom you can call her brother "sorry I don't call that a brother" has been married for 6 years now and is also with no kids. "A" asked from the God the same thing I asked for!!
It's a history for both of us now but it still aches. I was hesitant to mention the fact that it's my story but so what!! I have been a victim!! I have never talked about this to any of my family members, even my best friends knew it about it only a few years ago.
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24 comments:
Reading it just makes me imagine how difficult it must have been .. We would never be able to firmly say that we understand; because simply we cannot. Only those who have been through such a Hell, only can understand the pain and agony involved.
I pray that Allah blesses you with so much happiness, that there wouldn't be any place of that memory in your heart/mind ever again AMEEN.
Take care darling
I know its really hard to go through this. I love you sweetie, I would protect you, listen to you, love you and always be there for you if you need me =) If you want my phone number I will give it to you or I will call you and we can talk, hehe =) I promise I will get back to your email soon =)
Susu, Im really sorry for being such a bitch lately,not contact you for such a long time. I know I'm not a good friend bs I promise you I will get my ass back to the buggy mail and blogger as soon as I finish my finals and go back to my hometown =) Good news, I have my trimester break after my finals for two weeks =) I will spill you every details =)
No one but you know how hard that has been, but you are very strong, and managed it wisely; and as you say, luckily God gave him no childrens yet.
You have my support for anything you may need.
For us virginity is not a big issue anymore, as it used to be in the past, but I can understand a little because I'm of the last generations taught with the guilty feeling, losing it out of marriage was considered a sin, well in fact for religion it still is, but for society is not important anymore.
I read yesterday in one of the national nespapers than "intimate" surgery to "rehabilitate" is one of the most demanded, for nationals and foreigners... I didn't know that kind of surgery existed!!
I have a friend of mine who was sexually abused by two of her close relatives; her uncle and her brother. She tried to talk to her mom about it but whenever she did that her mom changed the subject not because she doesn't believe her but because she knows the whole story -I don't know how- but she does this to avoid talking about this topic and she wants her daughter to do the same thing and forget about what has happened to her so that she and her family can move on.
I'm not sure if my friend still talks about it to her mom because last time we talked about this part of her story she was severely depressed she even had panic attacks.
So what I want to say to you is that talking about your experience might make you feel better -just like my friend when she talked to me about it- but you should talk to someone who knows how to deal with these matters like a psychotherapist. The psychotherapist is the only one that can help you get over it people won't understand how much you have been through no matter how hard they tried they won't simply because they have never experienced this thing. I'm saying this to you because I have seen how my friend has suffered because of this.
i read the last two posts u wrote in silence.. coz I too was sexually abused when I was a child.. but the difference was that my abuser was not a family member.. he was our driver.
I don't know what to say.. but I totally understand how u feel..
these people should be burned in hell for what they did.
I applaud your bravery & maybe one day i'll be as brave & tell my own story.
I just read all the 3 parts.
I know I couldn't imagine how difficult it was even if I tried, though this topic always makes me shiver. But you're so so brave and strong for speaking out, I should know. You have moved on and you live a great life now :) and that's what counts, because you can't punish him, only God can.
We're all here for you :)
Love
xoxoxooo
I agree with infoguide on all she/he said; only ppl who have been there would know exactly how it feels. May God be always with you & always answers your prayers.
To Farah:
you are too brave, just admitting you've been a victim is bravery in itself.
God be will all of u who have suffered this ugly pain. you are blessed, for your patience.
I read this, and... I have no words that can help in any way. I still can't believe what that fretzil guy did to his daughter... and feel numb when I read about it.
It gives a picture how difficult it is, but you made this out. It tells all of us how strong you are. Today, I got a great lesson in how to be strong, and thanks goes for you. See, all monsters who committed this, they were harming themselves in the first place, and now, God shows them their bad deeds. I supplicate Allah from my deep heart to compensate you, and to give you endless happiness that will leave all bad-past memories away.
We are all here for each others; all of us have things to share :)
i really have no words to discribe the rage i have in me for people like this..
But i always believe, god is never far from you and justace will be served!!
I respect you more admitting and sharing this..
*hugs*
Wow Sis ,I really admire your courage to tell the story !!
It is indeed the first step to be healed , to step forward out of those nighmares memories
My Heart with you and your friend..God will never forget you both...He grants you the courage, the smartnes, the hope and rather the Faith to still holding on to life to see its beauitful side
May Allah bless you and choose the best for you both..
with love,, Rema
Assalamualaikum,
Please know you're not alone. A child don't really know what is happening until she's old enough. So it's not your fault & alhamdulillah you're still a virgin.
I personally think the just way is to trial the perpetrator. Makes sure crime doesn't pay. But many factors play in. Still it will be the best for women to voice against this. Women should keep an eye on your lil sis & daughters. I know I won't like to leave my baby daughters alone with men.
In a worse case, an 8 yo was abducted. She was found with a cucumber and a brinjal stuffed inside private parts which had caused her rectum to rupture. She died from bacterial infection. Women must speak against this & protect our little ones. Keep an eye on our babies.
All & all, Allah SWT is Most Just, He will reward accordingly. Have strength & faith! Live positively & focus on the blessings. I know the 8 yo surely is in heaven, God Wills. :)
magdar agool ghair .. 7asbeyallah 3alaihum .. o da3wat elmathloum mostajaba ..
HUGZZZ ;*
I just... first of all, I want to commend you on your courage for writing this. I am sure writing somethings like this will help you deal with what happened.
Let me just say that what happened when you were a kid you could not stop nor understand, so it is not your fault at all. I really think it is these type of situation that show how great a person is by how they deal with it.
You have, at least from what I read, shown the attributes of a truly great person in the making.
I have written a post that deals with a similar situation:
http://mmk080.blogspot.com/2008/04/work-of-fiction.html
I congratulate you on your courage, the first step, which is the hardest, is admitting something happened, so the soul cleansing can begin.
This happens to boys also, and most often than not, the abuser was abused, and the cycle continues.
I wish you the best
I too have been a victim. Reading your story was like reading my own. Goes onto show that you are not alone.
I admire your courage and pray that you receive the bestest of best =)
I noticed that we've been through similar events in life even though we are on opposite sides of the world :D
You are really brave to talk about this and share it so honestly.
I feel so angry at the men who do this to innocent children. Nothing can describe the rage and disgust I feel towards them.
Don't mean to change the subject but I wanted to let u know you've been tagged
Hugsss to all :)
Qusay, it wasn't a father but a cousin
it's just hard for someone to tell this thing to anyone especially by face to face cause I had this thing from my childhood but wasn't abused but was offender just like how the brother did, was I a monster? I was a kid and I ask for forgiveness to some people whom I abused to, I'm really admire you sweety:) you're the best !
I like you.
May allah always be with you and give you more powers!
I am stunned, astonished, shocked, staggered and traumatized! Do we have people like that in Saudi??? In highly educated families???? Are we THAT low? Is pedophilia so common here??? This is really scary.
I truly applaud you for sharing your unfortunate experience, and I strongly encourage you to reach out to those who've been sexually abused (a few have said here that they have had similar incidents) and form a support group. This should help all of you. May God be with you all.
Nader
Been a long time. Thank you my dear for the support :)
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